The divorcee in our home

January 29, 2018
The divorcee in our home
Sahoub Baghdadi

Al-Watan newspaper

DIVORCEES generally suffer due to society’s negative attitude toward them. People level baseless accusations against them and make unreasonable analyses infringing upon their rights. It is high time we change the stereotypical image we have created of divorcees in society.

In this article I like to focus on the situation of divorced women rather than men because men are generally spared of such stereotyping and insanity.

Some people attribute the most horrible features to women while talking about divorce. I will discuss in this column the reasons for logical divorce and how to deal with its consequences.

First of all, separation or divorce is considered one of the most important decisions in a person’s married life, considering its painful consequences at psychological, social and economic levels. However, it is considered the last resort of a failed marriage.

A married woman may face the following question: Can I complete my life with this man? Or will I be able to maintain this relationship throughout my life? The answer to this question varies from person to person, depending on their personalities, priorities, aspirations, partners and communities as well as several other psychological and cultural factors.

For example, my neighbor in America has been subjected to the most severe domestic violence. Her husband used to beat her up almost daily. Sometimes I could see bruises on her face while some other times marks of new wounds on her body. I wished if she had mastered the art of makeup to hide those bruises professionally, with the same skill she used to conceal her suffering.

Once she told me that all those sad incidents happened because of her mistake and that her husband should not be blamed for them. I was angry toward her for making such a comment because I knew that she lost her fetus in the sixth month as a result of repeated physical abuse. It was the fifth time she had lost a child before its birth.

However, I learned from a mutual friend that she would not leave her mentally ill husband because she belonged to a family that considered divorce as a criminal act and renounced the divorcee. Moreover, she had only primary school education and cannot live independently.

From this example it is clear that physical abuse and torture alone cannot be a reason for separation or divorce of a married couple. The same applies to infidelity, greed or illness. Divorce often occurs as a result of psychological factors and the circumstances of a person. It also depends on the strength of individuals to bear pain. The reasons vary from person to person.

It is not right to pass judgment on a divorced person’s morals and his or her ability to bear the challenges of life because we cannot make comparisons between people due to the differences in their personality and mental disposition. Reasons like drug addiction and infidelity resonate in the ears of both men and women, leading ultimately to separation and divorce.

Every human being enjoys the absolute freedom to remain patient in whatever situation he or she is in, and there are couples who continue to love their partners with all their shortcomings.

Many people who think of divorce desist from making a decision fearing its consequences. They are also afraid of the reactions of their close ones, including parents, siblings and distant relatives.

Close relatives may be very understanding and supportive, unlike distant relatives, friends and colleagues at work, who fuel the conflict between the couple’s families in case of a divorce.

On the contrary, some families do not allow divorce, whatever be the reason. Such compulsion jeopardizes the life of couples who cannot continue their married life. As long as they live with the same partner, they will not have a meaningful life.

In my opinion, everyone has the capacity to take matters with patience, and this applies to those who want to stay in marriage and those who do not or those who are ready to bear its consequences.

Finally, I want to emphasize here that I am not an advocate of divorce at all. At the same time, I wish everyone a happy and prosperous life, whether married or not. When a person feels that his partner can attend to his psychological needs before physical needs, the relationship between them becomes stronger and wonderful.

We have only one life to live and why don’t we make it a happy one by enjoying its blessings and beauty?

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